It’s been a minute… Let me try and tell you where I have been over the last eight months.
I almost reverted back to time when I couldn’t open the valve of frustration, tension, fear, aggravation, hostility, disappointment, and pain. My thought was always, had I not grown spiritually? During this time I found out a little more about myself and how pressure rattles a pot and how to let God work it out. The sources of those aforementioned distractions was not so much the evil ones vicious attacks as it was my apathy to put up my “dukes” and fight off the slowly encroaching doubts that were in me. I wasn’t recruited; I joined the spiritual army of doubters and non-believers fighting against me. The crazy thing is life was\is great or it sure does appear to be as I look at mine. I have continuous employment, my mom just turned 80 years old with a strong mind, my daughters are developing into beautiful woman, and Janet has that “grown woman” beauty inside and out that makes me want to continuously pursue her heart and soul which always takes me through God’s neighborhood. What’s not to love?
This next part is the hardest to share because I thought I had grown above and beyond this valley. I started second guessing everything that was going right. I was listening and waiting for the “other shoe” to drop. I was convinced that I needed to do more to maintain. However, doing more never seemed to translate into anything I could quantify. I began to feel the temp go up inside my gut. Was I good enough to be in this position? Had I earned it? Does this funny looking kid from the south side of Chicago warrant any “peace on earth”? When will this peace end? The hamster in my mind was working the wheel constantly. My blood pressure rose and stayed high for several months. I felt like I had been here before.
In all this I would hear that soft voice say, “but God conquered the grave so that you may have ….”
When in battle every good general knows when to retreat. So I went back to my knees. But God gave me a helpmate in Janet. I trusted in our relationship. I trusted in our continuous prayer and worship together. Home was and still is a place of refuge for me. But God gave me a group of brothers I can meet with on a regular basis. We share our hopes, dreams, pains, and words of encouragement because God said “Iron sharpens iron”. But God gave me a couple of accountability brothers that are “unshockable”. I can tell them, I have to tell them anything and everything when my spirit wavers.
My thoughts and words have not been far, just unorganized by the “rattling pot” at my minds door. But God made the lid steady. I needed only to remember how to retreat into His spirit. If you see yourself in anything you have read, I am asking you to hear the quiet spirit within you say ..but God gave me…
A spirit of worship.. pray without ceasing
Get in a small group
Find you an accountability partner that is unshockable..
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