Caught Up

Brother got caught up.  My baby wasn’t feeling good but she needed\wanted to go to the store to pick up a few things for work.  I had a few things I needed to cook dinner so I said okay.  Just to set this up, my baby don’t walk out the “house looking any kinda way”, sick or not.  She was sick but cute. So, I am on one side of the store and she is on the other side.  As I made my way over to her, I caught a glimpse of her walking past the aisle I was walking down.  The hair on the back of my neck stood tall and my radar zeroed in on her destination.  I sped up my cart and watched her turn down another aisle.  I picked up her light flowing sweater as it wrapped gently around the end cap of some useless merchandise.  The Walmart hunt was officially on.  I pushed the cart hard to get out ahead of her next move.  I watched her turn the corner and stride whimsically down the aisle towards me.  She did not see me at first.  My eyes sent an “us” signal that she picked up.  It was amazing to watch her body language shift into Lance mode.  I froze as I watched her walk towards me with every stride spelling my name over and over.  I almost forgot to stop and pay on the way out.  She just “do” something to me.  I can’t really explain it but I know it when I feel it.  I love you sweetheart.  

Heels That Click

From time to time (almost every day) Janet and I talk on the phone while we are on our way to work.  My Pop suggested in 1975, “Didn’t you just see her a minute ago? What could you be talking about?” To be honest I didn’t know then and I don’t know now.  It’s just a fact I love hearing the sound of her voice, especially when she is speaking to me. This morning as usual we talked but just a little later in the drive.  She had already made it to work and I knew we would be hanging up shortly.  Then my ears heard a clicking sound. It was the sound of her heels striking the ceramic floor as she walked towards her office. With each click of her heels and the sound of her voice, the picture of her beauty and gracefulness became clearer in my mind.  Just like back in 1975, I didn’t want to hang up!  I was enjoying the view.  I love you sweetheart.  Can’t wait to get home.  Glad the tomb is empty.    

In My Sleep

I dreamed last night.  In it, we were both being disagreeable with one another.  I could not make out the reason for the shouting or the sharp tones.  I screamed, “I ain’t leaving even if the walls fall down around us.” Walking towards the door you laughed, “I will be sure to send someone over to dig you out.” I heard the back door close and the garage door rise.  I awoke or maybe came to but was unable to open my eyes. There was a mild sense of panic.  I heard the ceiling fan hum but did not feel the breeze that it was capable of creating.  I heard the sounds of the fish tank bubbles coming from the den.  I heard the aging hard drive of my computer spinning at my desk.  What I couldn’t hear was the soft sound of your breathing as you slept next to me.  I couldn’t feel the warmth of your body on the sheets next to me.  My subconscious must have alerted me of a missing part of my conscious world and shook me from my slumber.  You were not next to me. Your spot in our bed was cold.  I sat up, almost jumped up.  I was in panic mode waiting to hear the garage door close as you drove off.  Instead, I heard the toilet flush!  By the time I laid back feeling a sense of relief, you curled back up into my arms unaware of how the rush of water had averted my subliminal meltdown.  I squeezed you tightly as we gently slipped off to sleep. Good Morning Sweetheart.  My love for you is of more than this world can hold.  Glad the tomb is empty.

He Solved Our Mystery

It is an inconceivable idea that one mind can possibly know another. It is a mystery.  In spite of this, I revel in how we have been able to become “just us.” I no longer try to anticipate, to counter, to even attempt to advance on your “mystical mind.”   My heart has mastered what my head over analyzes.  I find peace and comfort in knowing there is no doubt that our souls are reconciled in heaven.  I live off the love that God uses to transform you and me into us. I let your heart consume my willing spirit realizing this is only possible because God has taught me how to trust what my ears and eyes don’t recognize. My heart wraps it all up for my soul to present to Him.  I pray He approves.  I love you sweetheart.   

Now We Understand

I didn’t always understand how you loved me or how you made that love work. You don’t write words that explain that beautiful complex mind or whisper sweet somethings in my ear as I drift off into a space in my mind where your love gives me wings to soar. You don’t always stroke my over accentuated male ego or take time to wipe away my hidden tears when I am wounded. What is apparent is you know me without revealing the source of that knowledge. You give meaning to the expression “I feel you”. You get me even when I am not trying to give. It kills me when I get you running on one rail while I’m trying to figure out feelings I don’t recognize in me. I get lifted as I hold your hands and hear you thank God for things I didn’t realize I’d done. You boldly employ God to bless my day and keep me safe in the evil one’s world. Your words pass through my heart on their way to Him and He replaces all my questions with a full-blown view of His love in our life. Now I understand. I love you sweetheart. Glad the tomb is empty.

We Are Convinced

After an incredible courtship and long-distance love struggle, we were ready to jump the broom.  The early years seemed like we jumped a “mop” instead.  We hadn’t had the benefit of pre-marital counseling or even a family familiar “good marriage”.  So we jumped the mop.  Shortly after we landed we needed that “mop” to clean up our mess (mostly mine).  There were times when neither of us wanted to “wring it out” and solve the issues.  We did not know how to live together, grow together, or hurt together.  However we didn’t let go of the mop.  There were times she had two hands on it and I had one and vice versa.  We walked in this uncomfortable position until our hands were so tired God knew we were ready to hear His word.  He worked on me and He worked on her.  Then we would be ready to work together to let our marriage glorify God.  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 Glad the tomb is empty

I Leaped

I took the leap of something, just not sure if it was faith that pushed me off that ledge towards you. I had a dream and I wondered if “we” could come true. I pursued you but was plagued with thoughts of those dream never coming true. What was more troublesome was thoughts of being with you and not being able to live or sustain the dreams my subconscious had created. I might only get one shot at this cute girl with the beautiful smile. The dream was worth this risk. When I finally had the courage to let you see “me”, I realized we were in each other’s dream. God pulled them together and made them one dream that only He could make come true. Our life together was built on dreams rehearsed in heaven. Our first love… took place there. I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

Joy Versus Happiness

It's possible to feel joy when things are not going great. Joy doesn’t always come with a smile, or at least one that everyone can see. Joy can share its space with other emotions. Happiness cannot occupy the same space as sadness, anger, guilt or shame. Happiness is not present during rough patches in our life. Happiness comes and goes. 

When you understand what joy is and where it comes from you will never allow it to be wrenched from your spirit. This joy will never leave you. This joy that I have lifts my spirit. It is the reason for my peace and contentment when days get tough out in the world or contentious at home. My Joy is connected to my Lord and Savior and the belief that this beautiful woman was made just for me. Knowing this in my heart and soul, I feel the joy that is always present. Glad the tomb is empty

One Long Love Letter

Our life has been one long love letter that God has transcribed in our hearts. We have been through some "stuff" but I would not take anything for the journey. We planned on being here back in 1975. He has molded us and made us into who we are. But check this out... God is soooo good! He has also blessed me with this other woman who I can't get enough of and wouldn't want to. She shows up when I least expect it. She is my heavenly addiction. I would like to introduce to you the woman I have been having an affair with for 37 years! Happy Anniversary Sweetheart. You make that look good!!! Glad the tomb is empty

What do you want for Father's Day

I think I have heard that question every year for the past 30 plus years. Oddly enough the first things that ever came to my lips were always something I knew we could not afford or something that was just too far-fetched to even mention. Be that as it may, I was never disappointed by my gift or the card that showed up on Sunday morning. They were all given with thoughtfulness and love.


I do not remember ever asking my Pop this question. Not sure if I can remember the cards or gifts that I gave. I do remember what he gave me. In his own way he told me what most men wanted on Father’s Day. As I listened to his words and looked into his sometimes troubled eyes, I realized what he needed, not necessarily wanted. He needed to somehow be validated as a father by me, his son. Having gone on to glory, I pray that “I gave him” what he needed.
On Father’s Day I want my family to know that up to this point, I have been the best man and father I could be. On those numerous occasions when I was not at my best, it was never because I did not put forth the effort. Those were the times I was learning how to be better. On those occasions when my parenting skills seemed null and void, it was not because I did not read the final volume of one of Dr. Spock’s books. It was because I did not understand Ephesians 6:4, Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Most fathers want the same thing on this day. We need to feel and know that we have made an impact on our children’s lives. Good, bad or indifferent we need to know in order to live our lives with the ultimate training of bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in mind.
Cards and gifts are great. What he really (needs) wants for Father’s Day is to know how he is impacting your life. He needs a check-up. Some of these conversations may be easy; some may be extremely hard, but necessary to a family’s spiritual health.
My God, My Father. I thank you for being the ultimate example of fatherhood. My prayer is that you provide me with the guidance to be a servant leader in my home. I thank you for the tools you have provided for me to accomplish this and continuously seek your assurance on this journey of manhood that has led to fatherhood. Abide in me every step of the way… Amen

Heirs to the Throne

I watched all three of my heirs enter the world. Each experience had its own “flavor” and experience and were truly memorable all by themselves. The one thing that I found fascinating and eerily present with each birth was the strength and power that emanated throughout the room. Power that my mind cannot fathom. Strength that surpasses any that I can gather within myself. Massive respect for the physical endurance that it takes to carrying an unborn soul within. Most striking is the mental characteristics that must now take hold when breath flows through these little womb dwellers. I suddenly realized that with each breath they took I had to get stronger and more focused. Like any man I wished for a son, but God had a bigger mission for me. “Breath earthly life into my heirs.” My prayer is that each have grown or will grow to know a risen savior. My first ministry begins at home. I'm on that "grind" until he calls me home. The keys to my mansion are in the life I breath into the gifts He’s given.

Sister Tribute

 We have a “pact” to not make a big deal over these birthdays but I have to recognize an extraordinary woman, wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt as well as my friend. She is not on Facebook so she won’t see this. This is a "repost" but I don’t think I can express my love for her any better.
When I was an adolescent my sister Stephanie was like the bumpers at a kiddie bowling alley. She let me take my best shot but she would not let me go into the gutter. She gave me enough room to see the finish line and desire the fruits but she would not let me take short cuts. When I began to feel my "oats" as a teenager she was the first person maybe the only person that unequivocally pronounced to me "you ain't grown yet". You see she fully expected me to get there but she also knew the obvious needed to be stated. I was headed in the right direction, but height and a deep voice don't make you a man. But she would not let me settle for being a boy. I love her for taking time to see the man in me even before I could. I would like to think Janet was the beneficiary of this process. I am a better man, husband, father, g-daddy, uncle, and friend because you took time out for me. Happy Birthday Sister Girl (yeah I said it). Be loving you. Glad The tomb is empty.

Lessons of Love

A little slow to post… Celebrated Janet’s birthday.  Took a “staycation” and just hung out together for the weekend at a not so secluded hotel. Hooked up with some friends (more like family) for a minute.  Mostly Janet and I just hung out together.  Sitting in the lobby, restaurant, or walking by the canal, we talked about the past, the present, and planned a little of the future.  I love this woman so much.  There is a silent conversation that our hearts have when we are together.  It is filled with the joys of our past that bind us together but also includes the serenity of knowing the trials of our relationship were no match for God.  Her silent glance and tender touch gives me permission to see what is stored inside her heart and growing in her soul. It is a love for God and a passion to know me better. God is still teaching me not only how to love her but how to let her love me.   I am thanking God for these lessons of love and teaching me how to follow him because that is where I will find her.   

I Find You

I don’t always understand what you need from me or what you want me to do. Sometimes I don’t understand the questions and I’m slow with the answers. Those of are the times I am secretly in fear of being without you. I feel like I might be in trouble of not being able to let you know how I feel about you, how I cherish you, how my life is not a life at all without you. My heart is full but the words flow off my lips slower than I planned. This drives me to get closer to you, to get to know you over and over again. I reach for your heart and find a grown woman with complex thoughts and feelings. I find a woman with the quiet subtle power to draw me in with only her smile. I find a woman that I am still wonderfully and endlessly in love with. With God's compass I find you... Glad the tomb is empty

Make Me Like The Moon

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matt 5:14-16

I have always had a fascination with the moon (and stars).  The huge bright ball in the midnight sky and the brilliant light that illuminates the earth will always keep me spell bound.  To be honest I never took the time to consider the source of the "moonlight".  Without pondering its true source, I only enjoyed the view and serenity that it brought.  The astrological explanation states that the sun shines on the moon as it rotates around the earth.  The moon has no atmosphere or gravity so the light cannot be contained.  Like a mirror the moon reflects the light to earth.  All by itself the moon is merely a cold rock caught in the earth’s gravitation orbit that could never be seen with the naked eye. The moon orbits the earth as the earth orbits the sun.  That little dusty rock has an opportunity to shine for everybody everywhere in all phases during its 29-and-a-half-day journey around earth.  You have an opportunity to reflect God’s blessing wherever you go. 

Make yourself like the moon.

I may "shine brightly but not on my own. I want to serve humbly and am willing to be used. Just a piece of dust and stone reflecting the sunlight, God's light.  Let me reflect the light of who you are and your light alone. If I shine let them see You... Nothing of myself.  Make me like the moon, only reflecting you." 

Make yourself like the moon.

When I see the moon shining so bright and vivid, my mind is riveted on the source of light that allows me to shine.  It allows me to tell of the new grace and new mercy that is available to all... daily. 

Make me like the moon by Chante Moore

A Part of Me

I watched her pull away from the garage.  My arms were satisfied that they had hugged her with enough care and tenderness to help them remember.  My ears could still hear her speaking to God asking Him to cover me while we were away from each other.  My lips still felt the softness of hers as she promised to see me later.  My mind was immediately missing her physical presence, but my heart smiled at the thought of when I would be with her again. My mind gets locked in logical algorithms that confound my emotions into misunderstanding her absence.  My heart understands and councils me. My gift from God is always with me because she is a part of me and I am apart of her.  In my heart and soul we are one. I love you sweetheart.

When Two Become One
"Long ago in evolutionary history, two cells formed a symbiotic team that, over millions of years, evolved into a single organism. The result of this union was the first eukaryotic cell — the type of cell that makes up the human body."

Glad the tomb is empty...

Extended Family

I wrote this a few years ago when my children were small.  But it has so much relevance to the world today. It is a spin off from an African proverb that I am sure you have heard many times.

IT TAKES A WHOLE VILLAGE (AN EXTENDED FAMILY) TO RAISE A CHILD     African Proverb

The extended family has always been the strength of the African tribe, the new world slaves, the post slavery coloreds, and the Negroes fighting for civil rights. The village elders (griots) told the children fables with a moral conclusion. The old slave taught the African just off the boat how to deal with the master and his overseer. The sharecroppers of the south helped one another get the crop in if someone was too ill to work. Those who chose to migrate to the north had rent parties to help neighbors pay their rent. During the civil rights movement in Montgomery, Al., people offered their cars to support the bus boycott. All these examples extended to their children's personal welfare and created an "extended family."

This family served the purpose of not just babysitting, but teachers, protectors, philosophers, listeners, and friends. This family was the eyes and ears of mom and dad. As a child I always felt safe in the neighborhood, because I knew everybody in the neighborhood cared whether I made it home or not, even Speedy.

Speedy was the old dude who drank too much. He would interrupt his storytelling and bottle passing to yell from his milk crate across the street, "the street lights are on and you know yo-momma is looking for you." This was my queue to turn that slow dragging, rock kicking stroll into a full gallop, because everybody in the hood knows Mrs. Peeler's baby boy had a lights on curfew... even Speedy. There was Mr. Sykes who made sure we had something to do on those hot summer days, by supervising our street football games or alley softball games. He supervised with what seemed like little effort, because he hardly left his porch, but we knew he was watching. There was Mrs. Westbrook who started a Cubs Scout and Boys Scout troop one winter when she got tired of twelve boys tearing up her house. Then there was Mrs. Grant.  She could hear an angel in heaven flap his wings, so you better watch your language when you walked or played by her house.

I could go from door to door and mention an adult that helped mold me in one way, shape, form or fashion. My parents may not have fellowshipped or ate dinner with these people. They may not have even liked some of them, but they knew their neighbors had their children's well-being and safety in mind. The children respected these "extended family members," because their parents embraced the help in rearing a child that "family" can give. I didn't grow up in a small town where everybody knew everybody. I grew up in Chicago, where we had more people on one block, on one side of the street, then they have in some small towns.

Unfortunately, the prosperity of the 80's, and 90’s "freed" us from the "need" of the extended family, but we were freed from a circumstance that we never really gave merit. I personally didn't realize the existence of this "extended family" and their purpose until I became an adult with children of my own.

I try to teach my children to respect their elder’s and mind their manners. Speak to grown folks with old school respect and not new school dialect! I welcome information, good or bad, because I can't be with my children all the time, and like most parents. I wouldn't want to be with them all the time.  I recognize the need for feedback on my children, because it is when your children are away from you, that you learn the most about the job you are doing as a parent.  

Today people seem less willing or unable to develop an "extended family." I believe that is what the church and community once was able do and should continue to do. Children that don't mind their manners or respect their elders, frighten adults, young and old, men and women. Parents don't want to be told or don't believe the exploits of their child as told to them by other parents.  “Not my little Johnny.  He wouldn’t do that!”

Children can benefit from the many experiences that the "extended family" can bring.  Elders can enrich their lives like no history book ever could.  Speedy could spin a web, drunk or sober…  Mr. Sykes showed me how to look a ball into my hands and a baseball into my mitt.  Mrs. Westbrook taught me to respect other folks stuff.  And Mrs. Grant taught me to always be aware of who my audience might be. You never know who might be listening.

For a child to know that many "family" members care about his welfare and safety will cause that child to in turn care and respect others. Things have changed, the world has changed, but children and their requirements have not changed. Parents have dismissed all the tools that have made child rearing the most important part of our existence, short of serving and worshipping God.  The children we let society dictate how we raise today, will commit to society tomorrow. Let the "extended family" help you preserve our heritage. 

It Takes A Whole Village to Raise A Child….

The Runway

I was sitting in the halls of Harlan High tying my shoes getting ready for practice. I heard the rush of folks coming around the corner as class was letting out. My first inclination was to press up against the locker to avoid the crowd. Then I looked up and saw her with a crew of girls coming my way. It is kind a corny but everyone else blurred out of the scene. Her long strides were amplified by the easy sway of the books she held in her arms. Our eyes connected and we had a I'll see you after practice conversation in that moment. Her smile froze my thoughts to everything that did not include her. I had already let the cat out of the bag and told her I loved her. There was no going back now. In my minds eyes I saw her walking down the runway (hallway) with the grace of a model. To this day I still see that model with the grace that makes my thoughts lock in on our love. We still in this with God's covenant as our guide and I'm still loving you sweetheart… Glad the tomb is empty.

Valentines Day

Re-Post 

I just read an amazing article written by Jill Scott for Essence magazine entitled “A Real Man”. She wrote about things that most women will not be able to grasp unless men begin to reveal them. Problem is men are not wired to “reveal” anything but our masculinity. She wrote. “Men get afraid. Some cry. Most are far more sensitive than we can imagine.” Without further elaboration this statement for most men will just slide down the locker room shower drain along with anything else that moves men away from their image of warriors in the “300” army holding the line for all our ancestral fathers that guarded the mailbox like “mister” in “The Color Purple”. It is extremely hard to fight hard wired circuitry. This is for those who desire to know or understand. If it matters not, stop now…. I might be wasting your time but let me at least try.

 Whether she is your wife, your girlfriend, your baby momma, your boo, or your friend with benefits, she will only see what you show her or what her “hormonal” detective skills discover. The latter usually reveals the most misunderstood, fragmented, and indistinguishable “facts” available. Your relationship is really just a series of situations strung together over time due to a need to be familiar with somebody who “may” not hurt you. Cut the thread of time or introduce a new you (or an unseen you) and the situations become not so good memories. You have heard the saying we were good together but not good for each other.

Most women think that a man’s power and fortitude is driven by his inner strength and pride. A man’s power is driven, yet stabilized by his ability to control, contain, and judiciously dispense his feelings for any given situation. Physical prowess is a by-product of self-control of raging emotions. Woman are allowed to let it flow. Men must hold the line. Every man has a treasure chest of emotions buried so deep inside his heart he dare not let them be discovered by mere mortals.

 Until you let her see this part of your heart, this part that you rarely take the time to view, she may never truly be your help mate. Because she may never really know you. Your boo needs to know your hurts. Your baby momma needs to know you fear not being able to provide, whether it be money or majesty. Your girlfriend needs to see and know the anxiety that envelops you with thoughts of a true committed relationship. All these emotions live in the chest.

Ladies it may be hard to understand given what you have seen and been taught over time by various sources. Be patient if you can. Be understanding because you must. But most of all recognize there is an awesome power to love and to protect and to provide within your grasp. Make it safe so it can be revealed.

During this Hallmark season let her see you. Her heart will smile…

Happy Valentine’s day….

My Pop

February is Black History month and the month of love. In keeping with the twist, I introduced last year I want to continue giving some brotherly love to some men who influenced my journey. I want to begin with my father, my “Pop”, Walter Peeler. We only shared a few years together but in retrospect I believe I got the best he could give before God called him home. I was nineteen and away at college when he passed. The last three years were our best. I began to listen to him and not judge him. Up until I was sixteen I seemed to always be at odds with this man who talked in metaphoric circles. I began to sit still and take notice to the life he wished he had and the life he wished for me. I finally understood that it was not rants and waves that I was being engulfed with but his heart. A heart filled with the hope of me being a good man, a better man. He frustrated me at times because he never would give me a straight answer. It was usually a question for a question. He required me to think before answering his question. He passed away suddenly but it was as if he squeezed all of him into all of me in those three years. I wonder if he knew? I was his Timothy and he was my Paul. Proverbs 27:17 says iron sharpens iron. Is anything too hard for God?

Falling In Love

Falling in love is a phrase used to describe the rush of emotions that crash on us when we “think” we have found the one. Janet knew soon after we had some of them “you hang up first calls” that I "liked her." When she casually said I love you, I told her I didn’t know much about love but “I dig the hell out of you”. I think that was enough to keep her falling. Me. I still had questions. Eventually I yielded to God's plan. I took the plunge and we fell in Love, landed in Love, and now are Standing Up in Love! We decided to stand up in our love and enjoy the inevitable truth of God's promises. We would be together forever no matter what came (or went). This did not happen overnight. We had to work at this discovery. When He spoke to me and said “Let Her Love You” our whole being became that one soul that you hear about and that cannot really be explained but you know it when you see it and feel it. In response to God's gift we have lifted our marriage high into the tree of life that is rooted in God’s promises. Come what may, our marriage is out of reach and guarded by His covenant. The evil one has been informed. Roll up in here if you want to!!! If God is for us than who can be against us... Nothing will be able to separate us or our love of God. I Love you sweetheart. Glad the tomb is empty.