Monday, September 19, 2022

The Truth

Fall of 1975 my brain took control of our relationship. It decided I did not need a girlfriend at 16 years old. Most folks said you good, it was only “puppy love”. Looking back, I can remember being heartbroken. However, I could not find a way to bring myself back to you. I stumbled miserably through our junior year because every time my heart reached for you or wanted to call out to you, my mind took those words and feelings and sent them into a loop of confusion. My mind was determined to “outsmart the truth”. The truth was that “me and my heart” were deeply and passionately in love with you. That was the truth then and it is the truth now. Subsequently I have learned to always think about you with my heart because that is where you reside. I love you sweetheart, then and now! Glad the tomb is empty!

Friday, July 22, 2022

41st Wedding Anniversary

This video was actually shot a few years ago during a photo session.
Of course Janet is a natural! Love you sweetheart!



This Thing We Have

 

You know I’m really loving this “thing” we have. Spent the weekend together... but apart. We both ran our errands apart from each other. Janet usually runs with the girls. I am usually a “lone wolf”. Whenever I am away from her, she drifts through my thoughts. It helps me concentrate on the task so I can get back. If you know me, you know I don’t do well by myself. The evil one tried something new on me. “What if she stops loving you?” My mind ran the numbers before my heart pulled the plug! Found myself driving and rejecting this notion. There is not a person that I am more comfortable with. Janet knows and loves the "me" that even I run from. She tamed him with her love of God and the answer to a prayer. Throughout our life together when the world was unkind she pulled “him” back. Okay then “What if you stop loving her?” For real… I laughed and heard myself say “Janet I will never not love you and never is a long time.” I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

One Heart

Recently had some late night\early morning prayer time when I couldn’t sleep. Gave the standard thank you LordJesus (in my house it’s one word) for my family, health, and well-being. I paused as I heard Janet breathing softly and stirring as I moved. Didn’t want to wake her. Continued my conversation. I felt the need to reiterate that I should be on the schedule to go home first, like “we discussed”. I revisited all my reasons for this request and was approaching the “in Jesus' name” moment when I thought I was experiencing heart palpitations and slight shortness of breath. I backed off the amen conclusion and asked God if heaven could wait while we talked about our “agreement”. I felt my heart flutter again. “My son what you felt was her heart beating in your chest. No matter what “I” decide, know that these two hearts will always beat as one. Rest peacefully my son.” Amen. Slept like a baby knowing that God has us... I love you sweetheart! I think we’re covered. Glad the tomb is empty.
 

She Knows Me

 

Just my thoughts… Janet probably knows more about me than I would probably want to admit… out loud. I am okay with this. She knows things about me that I haven’t had the courage to tell her about. She has this uncanny way of somehow feeling the pain I try to hide from her. She finds a way to heal what I never exposed. In the past, I would try to “spare” her the burden of my issues. Then I remember God instructing me to let her love me. This meant trusting Him that we could grow together in and through these worldly issues that I subconsciously try to solve. I love the way Janet (metaphorically) snuggles up next to me and buckles up for the ride. We love road trips… I love you sweetheart (6-27-81) Glad the tomb is empty

Sunday, June 5, 2022

The Gauntlet

 


A couple of weeks before Father’s Day and a few weeks before we hit 41 years of marriage. It causes me to reflect. This is right where Janet and I planned to be when she was braiding my hair on her front porch when we were hanging out at our favorite spot on Lake Michigan, forgetting to watch the movie at the drive-in or just holding the phone not wanting to hang up. We were 22 years old when we married. We didn’t know about the gauntlet of life we would have to travel through to get here. We thought we were ready for whatever came our way. We weren’t. The gauntlet was lined with our own selfishness, family baggage, indecision, and dreams but no plans. The obstacles for me were “grown man” problems. I had to learn how to grind it out daily with no available blueprint. I learned to bite my lip without dripping blood. I had to learn how to support a woman, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, and provide a vision for us. She needed me to be all of that, even if she didn’t know it. You know, grown man stuff. Age does not define manhood. I had no consistent mentor to help me. I knew the type of man I didn’t want be. I couldn’t articulate the type of man I wanted to be. I never met him. I developed a catchphrase to keep me going. “Dig in and hold on.” God helped me battle right where I was until I was ready to handle His next “mission” for me. From time to time He would open my eyes and let me see the “the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around us” protecting us. I am thankful for Him trusting me with “grown folk” problems. I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Our Brand of Love

I can’t eliminate all the hurt that this world will hurl our way. Some of it may be because they don’t understand our “brand of love”. Maybe it is because my inadequacies are so glaring, that I make us a clear and easy target. It could just be our day. For whatever reason disrespect or displaced humor is pushed on me\you\us, we know the decision to respond and how to respond has already been decided. We know what we mean to each other and how we affect each other. Words may land but they won’t control our runway. Janet can touch my hand, or gently nod her head, or release the twinkle in her eye and I can hear her say “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.” I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty