Marriage Is Hard

I need to apologize. I have not been completely “honest.” Marriage is HARD! If you looked at the “x-ray” of our marriage you would see the bruises and brokenness that 6 years of courtship and 41 years of marriage can bring. You would see how broken we were. You would see the selfishness that caused the bumps. The sin that caused the bruises. You would see the individual egos that masterminded unnecessary conflict. I know this is not the popular story to tell but it is the real one. Looking at the totality of our life I can really say we appreciate the journey because it brought us to the “sweet spot” that we live in now. You looked at the x-ray. Check the results of the blood test. It will show the blood of Jesus injected into ours during times of trials and turmoil. You will see the holy spirit navigating our road trip through life. You will hear the word of God explaining the covenant we agreed to. You will see our love grow from “puppy love” to agape love. This transition could only happen when we both recognized His desire to move and transform our lives from two to one. We gave that one life to Him. Marriage ain’t for the weak and faint of heart, but if you give yourself and your marriage to God He will clear a path to a sweet spot that I can attest to is so so amazing! I love you sweetheart. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

The Truth

Fall of 1975 my brain took control of our relationship. It decided I did not need a girlfriend at 16 years old. Most folks said you good, it was only “puppy love”. Looking back, I can remember being heartbroken. However, I could not find a way to bring myself back to you. I stumbled miserably through our junior year because every time my heart reached for you or wanted to call out to you, my mind took those words and feelings and sent them into a loop of confusion. My mind was determined to “outsmart the truth”. The truth was that “me and my heart” were deeply and passionately in love with you. That was the truth then and it is the truth now. Subsequently I have learned to always think about you with my heart because that is where you reside. I love you sweetheart, then and now! Glad the tomb is empty!

41st Wedding Anniversary

This video was actually shot a few years ago during a photo session.

Of course Janet is a natural! Love you sweetheart!

This Thing We Have

 

You know I’m really loving this “thing” we have. Spent the weekend together... but apart. We both ran our errands apart from each other. Janet usually runs with the girls. I am usually a “lone wolf”. Whenever I am away from her, she drifts through my thoughts. It helps me concentrate on the task so I can get back. If you know me, you know I don’t do well by myself. The evil one tried something new on me. “What if she stops loving you?” My mind ran the numbers before my heart pulled the plug! Found myself driving and rejecting this notion. There is not a person that I am more comfortable with. Janet knows and loves the "me" that even I run from. She tamed him with her love of God and the answer to a prayer. Throughout our life together when the world was unkind she pulled “him” back. Okay then “What if you stop loving her?” For real… I laughed and heard myself say “Janet I will never not love you and never is a long time.” I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

One Heart

Recently had some late night\early morning prayer time when I couldn’t sleep. Gave the standard thank you LordJesus (in my house it’s one word) for my family, health, and well-being. I paused as I heard Janet breathing softly and stirring as I moved. Didn’t want to wake her. Continued my conversation. I felt the need to reiterate that I should be on the schedule to go home first, like “we discussed”. I revisited all my reasons for this request and was approaching the “in Jesus' name” moment when I thought I was experiencing heart palpitations and slight shortness of breath. I backed off the amen conclusion and asked God if heaven could wait while we talked about our “agreement”. I felt my heart flutter again. “My son what you felt was her heart beating in your chest. No matter what “I” decide, know that these two hearts will always beat as one. Rest peacefully my son.” Amen. Slept like a baby knowing that God has us... I love you sweetheart! I think we’re covered. Glad the tomb is empty.
 

She Knows Me

 

Just my thoughts… Janet probably knows more about me than I would probably want to admit… out loud. I am okay with this. She knows things about me that I haven’t had the courage to tell her about. She has this uncanny way of somehow feeling the pain I try to hide from her. She finds a way to heal what I never exposed. In the past, I would try to “spare” her the burden of my issues. Then I remember God instructing me to let her love me. This meant trusting Him that we could grow together in and through these worldly issues that I subconsciously try to solve. I love the way Janet (metaphorically) snuggles up next to me and buckles up for the ride. We love road trips… I love you sweetheart (6-27-81) Glad the tomb is empty

The Gauntlet

 

A couple of weeks before Father’s Day and a few weeks before we hit 41 years of marriage. It causes me to reflect. This is right where Janet and I planned to be when she was braiding my hair on her front porch when we were hanging out at our favorite spot on Lake Michigan, forgetting to watch the movie at the drive-in or just holding the phone not wanting to hang up. We were 22 years old when we married. We didn’t know about the gauntlet of life we would have to travel through to get here. We thought we were ready for whatever came our way. We weren’t. The gauntlet was lined with our own selfishness, family baggage, indecision, and dreams but no plans. The obstacles for me were “grown man” problems. I had to learn how to grind it out daily with no available blueprint. I learned to bite my lip without dripping blood. I had to learn how to support a woman, spiritually, physically, and emotionally, and provide a vision for us. She needed me to be all of that, even if she didn’t know it. You know, grown man stuff. Age does not define manhood. I had no consistent mentor to help me. I knew the type of man I didn’t want be. I couldn’t articulate the type of man I wanted to be. I never met him. I developed a catchphrase to keep me going. “Dig in and hold on.” God helped me battle right where I was until I was ready to handle His next “mission” for me. From time to time He would open my eyes and let me see the “the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around us” protecting us. I am thankful for Him trusting me with “grown folk” problems. I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

Our Brand of Love

I can’t eliminate all the hurt that this world will hurl our way. Some of it may be because they don’t understand our “brand of love”. Maybe it is because my inadequacies are so glaring, that I make us a clear and easy target. It could just be our day. For whatever reason disrespect or displaced humor is pushed on me\you\us, we know the decision to respond and how to respond has already been decided. We know what we mean to each other and how we affect each other. Words may land but they won’t control our runway. Janet can touch my hand, or gently nod her head, or release the twinkle in her eye and I can hear her say “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.” I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty

Sweetheart Month

March is our sweetheart month... March 25, 1975 she checked the preverbal box that said “I will go with you”. Janet held me at arm’s length for as long as she could before her curiosity demanded answers. Janet Robertson was now my girlfriend (still is). There are a million stories I can recant from 1975 to 2022. Our life together has been nothing short of amazing. To be honest there have been times where we had to ask ourselves if we could or wanted to “stand the rain”? Could our relationship endure our human frailties and societies attacks? Could we hold onto the “broom\mop” we jumped when we said I do? The answer is yes we could. Janet and I have endured and persevered. We both had moments when we looked at the puzzle that was our life and didn’t know how to put our individual pieces together. The love was there but we didn’t know how to make the pieces fit. God is the common denominator. Just my thoughts. Learn to pray together daily. When we are holding hands and talking to God our relationship is being rejuvenated and strengthened, daily. The pieces of our life become whole and He will be glorified. We didn’t get here by ourselves! I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

 

Talking About Today

When we first discovered that we were us, we talked about “today”. We talked about a home, not a house, two children that looked like her (sorry we missed that one), grey hair, aching bones, and still being in love. To be honest we had no idea how hard it would be to fight through all the challenges that God gifted us with. However, we planned to be here, today. I didn’t expect to be so incredibly in love with this person I have shared so many years with. Maybe because I didn’t know real love. I just flat out adore this woman. She fills in those spaces near the lines that I was once afraid to color outside of. In effect she became the bridge that took me outside the lines, outside my box. She has always seen the value in my dreams and understood the battles I’d have to fight. She wanted to fight by my side. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” I like our odds… I love you sweetheart. Glad the tomb is empty.

Remember the First Kiss

Do you remember our first kiss? It is sketched so deep in my memory that it reappears each time I move in for another (first) kiss. After being in your presence for most of the past 46 years, this moment has to be one of my most "romantic" memories. My journey to that kiss was filled with my own indecision, self-doubt, thoughts of defeat, and an actual willingness to accept rejection. That kiss came after what I thought was the worst first date in all the chronicles of dating. It was a kiss that I never expected to get. It put a “glide in my stride, a dip in my hip” on the way to a cold Chicago bus stop. That first kiss stopped time and changed the climate with each step.

Today I need to let you know that my day does not start until I look into those starry eyes.

My day does not start until I hear your touch say “yes it is a good morning.”

My day does not start until I feel the light of your smile lighting up our world.

I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty…

 

How do you explain humanity to a man?

How do you explain humanity to a man? Introduce him to his mortality. Whenever we are faced with the death of a loved one we are faced with the reality of our own mortality. In the passing of my mother I was faced with this reality. Suddenly I was experiencing a bit of separation anxiety whenever Janet left my presence. Janet and I have this running “joke”. I asked God to call me home first. To do otherwise would be like teasing me with His perfection by leaving me here without her. In Janet He gave me way more than I asked for. I thought I needed a girl to help me untangle my youthful ambitions. He gave me a woman who is able to crack my encrypted thoughts and give meaning to my creative desires. Those desires included pursuing her heart and unequivocally offering mine. “Life is fleeting, like a passing mist.” Before this vapor called life drifts by, I want\need Janet to feel my heart and soul’s appreciation. I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

                                                                                          

Dorothy Peeler Tribute November 12, 1930 - November 7, 2021

My family and I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. We are and will be working through the physical loss of our mother for a "minute." We want to share a glimpse of her life with you through this video. Glad her tomb is empty.