Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Empty House

 

I don’t mind an empty house. When Janet is with Lauren or Londyn I take the opportunity to turn the music up just past her “allowable” settings. The music will turn a mundane household chore into a master piece of domestic artwork. It will open a creative highway that takes me to a place in my office\studio that lights up my mind with possibilities. Then there are times when the right song (anything from Stevie or EWF) will remind me of the void that her absence leaves. I don’t know if it makes sense but it is not that I “miss” her. It’s that sudden realization that she is not “here”. I am not sure I can deal with being “here” without her. Crank the next song up a little louder.

I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.



Road To 40


      

Our Road to 40… Harlan High was the catalyst for our relationship. The University of Chicago was the “jump off point” where you decided I had potential and called off the chase. There were long good byes on King Drive. Then long drives from Carbondale to Dallas. Our relationship is like a small stream that turns into a full blown river on its way to the ocean. Oceans are vast, deep and largely unexplored. After 40 years we still have so much to look forward to. You didn’t give me your heart on consignment. You told me, then showed me it was mine by pouring your life into mine. I promised God I would not spill a drop. So I want us to live each day like it is our last. Someday it will be. Let there be no doubt about our love for one another or our life together. I love you sweetheart. Glad the tomb is empty!

Pop

 

Walter R. Peeler. I called him Pop. We only shared a few years together but in retrospect I believe I got the best he could give before God called him home. I was twenty years old and away at college when he passed. Our last three years before I went off to college were our best. I began to listen to him and not judge him. Up until I was sixteen I seemed to always be at odds with this man who talked in metaphoric circles. I began to sit still and take notice to the life he wished he had and the life he wished for me. I finally understood that it was not rants and waves that I was being engulfed with but his heart. A heart filled with the hope of me being a good man, a better man. He frustrated me at times because he never would give me a straight answer. It was usually a question for a question. He required me to think before answering his question. He passed away suddenly but it was as if he squeezed all of him into all of me in those three years. I wish so much that I could let him know that I am a good man striving to be a better man. I wish I could have shared all the milestones in my life that he wished for me. The day I pulled away from the curb to start my journey in life I think he knew I would be alright. Though our time together was short, his effect on me has been profound. I was his Timothy and he was my Paul. Proverbs 27:17 says iron sharpens iron. Glad The Tomb Is Empty.

Why

 

I have heard it a few times. “Why do I have to tell him\her I love them all the time?” That is a tough one for some. Not for me. It is not that I say that I love Janet “all the time.” It's the timing that matters. There are times when I hear her say my name in a certain way or when she smiles at something I said or “about” to say. It is when she knows my mind is stuck in a loop of indecision or about to make a declaration. The words for me just seem to flow! My heart releases the words that I can only hope convey the true essence of our relationship. I love you. It is not the volume; it is timing. It is who she is that provokes those three words. But the best answer is when I say them, I “feel her spirit” move towards me even if she is walking away from me… I love you sweetheart. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

Thursday, May 6, 2021

She Is


She is my wife, my lover, my baby’s momma, my financial partner, my earth traveler, my good time buddy and my friend. Sometimes we don’t always agree. It could be about simple stuff. Sometimes… but not all the time I start feeling some kinda way when we ain’t agreeing. How far should I take this “disagreement”? Is this worth the effort I am going to need to overcome “being right” or is this the noble moment when I fall on my sword? Then it hits me. I don’t need a life partner who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that. I need and want an earth walking partner that challenges my way of thinking while knowing the direction my heart will take us. My mind and heart are always battling. She knows what sparks my intellectual mind and what makes my heart smile. Like the seasons know exactly when to change, she knows when and how to make me hers which is all I ever want! I love you sweetheart! May 7,9, June 27,2021. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

 

My Attention

 

March 27, 1975 is not our wedding anniversary. It is the day Janet “took” my attention! She didn’t ask for it or negotiate a time when she would give it back. She took my attention with impunity. I had no recourse. Because I had pursued her relentlessly, I jumped right in. I would have been satisfied with only a moment of her time or just an acknowledgement that the “chase” existed. God fooled me. He didn’t give me all the details. I had no idea Janet could offer a life of love, caring, an unrelenting defense and protector of my spirit, and my ultimate cheerleader who would forever be in my corner. When God nudged Janet and she “decided” she would grant me time and space, my life’s trajectory was forever changed. I moved to Texas. “I’d rather live in her world, than live without her in mine.” I pray that God is pleased (and relieved) with our life together. I love you sweetheart! March 27, May 7, 9, June 27, 2021. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

There Goes My Baby

We were on the other side of the globe. I felt ridiculously at home with my new South African family. Janet and I were so excited most nights we couldn’t sleep for just talking and sharing the day’s activities. We noticed this connection with each other. Several times during the trip we drifted apart in crowds or by sheer distance. I would put the telephoto lens on the camera and scanned for her. Invariably she would look up just as I swept through the area. "There goes my baby." "Her smile would say, here I am." That smile always reassures my heart. I love you sweetheart! March 27, May 7, 9, June 27, 2021. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

I Can't Remember


These arms can't remember waking up without you wrapped in them.
I can't remember a day that didn't start with your smile.
I can't remember a day not being mesmerized by your long elegant stride.
I just can’t remember a day without you…
Just can’t remember what sunshine would be without you in it.
I can't remember what a moonlit night would be without your hand in mine.
I can’t remember a day not filled with thoughts of you.
I asked God to hold my memories for me... Just in case I can't remember.
I love you sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty.

Red is the Color I Love


Blue is my favorite color but red is the color I love to see Janet in. Shout out to Carla Robertson , she created the dress and assisted in raising my "blood pressure". I really do adore this woman in the red dress. Two weeks before we were married I moved to Texas with $50 in my pocket and no job. I was terrified to stand before God, Rev. CBT Smith, Golden Gate and her “entire” family, unemployed! God blessed me with a job a week before the ceremony (whew!). I can still feel the eyes on my neck as I said “I do”. This year we will have been a couple 46 years and married 40. I don’t have an emotional, physical, or spiritual choice but to love her. God said so. Janet believed in not only me, she believed in us. I love you sweetheart. March 27, May 7, 9, June 27, 2021. Glad The Tomb Is Empty

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Just For You My Son

We didn’t get out much together last year. Janet worked from home and I was an “essential” worker. I was asked a lot. “How is Janet or how’s your wife?” My response close to if not is always the same, “just as cute as she wanna be!” Most of the time I’m blushing inside and trying not to fumble with my words. It’s because at that very moment she is running through my mind with no boundaries. From time to time I have asked God if He is sure she is all mine. “Just for you my son.” “There are so many things that are not supposed to be, except you and me.” I love you, sweetheart! March 27, May 7, 9, June 27, 2021.

Glad The Tomb Is Empty

I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine

Solomon said “I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine…. I have found the one whom my soul loves.” The journey to realize this has been long but worth every step. I used to struggle with how to talk to you, how to hold you, how to keep you close, how to keep you at peace in the midst of my battles with the principalities of this world. My self-perceived inadequacies brought me\us to our knees but opened the door for God. I couldn’t imagine taking one breath without you, yet my mind's inability to yield to my heart's “just because love” clouded the path that God had for us. You never asked me for more than me. I am so sorry it took me a “few” years to figure out who he was. I could see us in your eyes and it always calmed my troubled spirit. You knew who he was. Now I do too. He loves you, sweetheart.

Glad The Tomb Is Empty.