Just For You My Son

We didn’t get out much together last year. Janet worked from home and I was an “essential” worker. I was asked a lot. “How is Janet or how’s your wife?” My response close to if not is always the same, “just as cute as she wanna be!” Most of the time I’m blushing inside and trying not to fumble with my words. It’s because at that very moment she is running through my mind with no boundaries. From time to time I have asked God if He is sure she is all mine. “Just for you my son.” “There are so many things that are not supposed to be, except you and me.” I love you, sweetheart! March 27, May 7, 9, June 27, 2021.

Glad The Tomb Is Empty

I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine

Solomon said “I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine…. I have found the one whom my soul loves.” The journey to realize this has been long but worth every step. I used to struggle with how to talk to you, how to hold you, how to keep you close, how to keep you at peace in the midst of my battles with the principalities of this world. My self-perceived inadequacies brought me\us to our knees but opened the door for God. I couldn’t imagine taking one breath without you, yet my mind's inability to yield to my heart's “just because love” clouded the path that God had for us. You never asked me for more than me. I am so sorry it took me a “few” years to figure out who he was. I could see us in your eyes and it always calmed my troubled spirit. You knew who he was. Now I do too. He loves you, sweetheart.

Glad The Tomb Is Empty.

To Be Honest

To be honest there are times when it is so confusing when you love a woman. Everything you are taught growing up has to be thrown out the big picture window in the living room you weren’t allowed to go into. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is confusing and sometimes painful to love me because there are times I don’t like myself when I’m trying to navigate our relationship. Many years ago I committed to getting as close to you as God would allow. Your smile, your gaze, your “aura” called me and enticed my youthful heart. It has been a while since I saw my own “footsteps” in the sand. I know He carries me and I know He binds us. I know He feeds our “us” with His holy spirit. He explained that It is not the fall that destroys relationships. It is how and where you land. I fell towards your love and landed in your arms. Being submerged in another heart is not the problem. It is how long you stay there and what you find there. I found you in Him. In 1981 when I left the nest I didn’t think about falling. Your love had already filled my wings with our future. I love you, sweetheart! Glad the tomb is empty!

Multi-Mother's Day Tribute

My Multi-Mother’s Day tribute. Thought I would include women in my life that poured some of them into me at different points in my life.  My maw-maw, Dorothy Peeler gave birth and life to me.  Her hard work and goal identification has always driven me to keep pressing.  My aunt Earline (Babysister) Willis fed my curiosity and intellect every time she had a chance.  She could not stand to see me idle. There were library drop-offs with a book report due on pickup. El train rides from the beginning to the end of the line and back so I could see more than just my neighborhood. Aunt Anna Hines taught me about consequences at a time when I was hurting and very angry with the world. That time under her roof was critical to tomorrow, because I did not care about today. My “sistergirl”, Stephanie Harden encouraged me to fly but never before I was ready to make it past the horizon.  She was tough but fair. My love for her runs deep.  Mrs. Gloria Turner and Mrs. Mary Stampley, were my best friend’s mothers. The kept me honest and fed me wisdom and food when they knew I needed it. I am proud to be introduced as their other son. Mrs. Betty Green counseled and prayed for a struggling young man growing into the maturity it took to lead a family. I have saved her voice mails. I miss her so.  God brought all of these woman into my life just when I needed them the most. I salute them and praise God for sending me who I needed, when I needed them.  Happy Mother’s Day on both sides of the Jordan.  Glad the tomb is empty. 

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

Love, want, need, desire, even crave, are mere Webster defined words that cannot truly describe how all of me reacts when you stroll across my mind. I crave the soft subtlety of who you are and the strong woman that challenges my sensibility. You have always fulfilled the desires of my heart even when my mind disagreed. I know that I am living within the boundaries of your heart. There I find my joy. I want your face to be the first and last vision my eyes record for my heart of every day.  This is especially true for this day when God unleashed you into this world and ultimately into my arms.  Happy Birthday Sweetheart.  I’m still in love with you.     

Truly Connected

My baby was not feeling well yesterday so I stayed home and she worked out a medical conference call. She gave the nurse practitioner the symptoms. "Sounds like anxiety or stress." As a followup he asked her a series of related questions. I was close by listening and concerned. She answered every question with "very low or no." I secretly answered yes or moderately high. He offered mild medication. She said no, I murmured yes. When she hung up I realized I had the issues but she had the symptoms! We cracked up because we realized just how much we are truly connected. I have had my ups and downs during the last few months. I thought I was hiding it well. Her body chose to take on what mine would not. We are too blessed, so I refuse to let her stress. I love you sweetheart. "We" doing better already! 
Glad the tomb is empty.

March 27, 1975

Janet Robertson, March 27, 1975 your love came crashing in on my heart. Over these years your love for me wins whatever battle my mind wants to start with my heart. I get more “thoughtful” during this month because of the courtship struggles you endured with me. I know I “sweated” you hard in a time when this approach was not considered “cool”. With other girls the “conventional” approach left me bewildered and woefully unequipped to get a second audience. There was a “bit” in one of Richard Pryor’s albums were the neighborhood drunk says, “Boy I’m going to help you because I believe you got potential”. I would like to think you saw 2020 Lance back in 1975. According to the 1975 “handbook” I got it all wrong. I stared too much and actually winked at you (a few times). I “begged” for your phone number until I almost lost my mind. First call I bared my 16-year-old soul. I fumbled with your fingers trying to hold your hand the first time. First date, no car so we had to catch the bus in Chicago in March! First date plans collapsed, so you helped me fold laundry while we watched the Wizard of Oz. Took you home on the "bus". I was absolutely sure you weren't snuggling but hiding from the Chicago "hawk". I thanked God for the "gentle breeze" that moved you closer me. We have been filling our bus with love and memories ever since. Alone I know I could not have held on to you this long by myself. "I can't, but God can." I love you sweetheart. Our love wins because He loved us first. 1 John 4:19 Glad the tomb is empty.