I wrote this a
few years ago when my children were small.
But it has so much relevance to the world today. It is a spin off from
an African proverb that I am sure you have heard many times.
IT TAKES A
WHOLE VILLAGE (AN EXTENDED FAMILY) TO RAISE A CHILD African Proverb
The extended
family has always been the strength of the African tribe, the new world slaves,
the post slavery coloreds, and the Negroes fighting for civil rights. The
village elders (griots) told the children fables with a moral conclusion. The
old slave taught the African just off the boat how to deal with the master and
his overseer. The sharecroppers of the south helped one another get the crop in
if someone was too ill to work. Those who chose to migrate to the north had
rent parties to help neighbors pay their rent. During the civil rights movement
in Montgomery
This family
served the purpose of not just babysitting, but teachers, protectors,
philosophers, listeners, and friends. This family was the eyes and ears of mom
and dad. As a child I always felt safe in the neighborhood, because I knew
everybody in the neighborhood cared whether I made it home or not, even Speedy.
Speedy was the
old dude who drank too much. He would interrupt his storytelling and bottle
passing to yell from his milk crate across the street, "the street
lights are on and you know yo-momma is looking for you." This was my
queue to turn that slow dragging, rock kicking stroll into a full gallop,
because everybody in the hood knows Mrs. Peeler's baby boy had a lights on
curfew... even Speedy. There was Mr. Sykes who made sure we had something to do
on those hot summer days, by supervising our street football games or alley
softball games. He supervised with what seemed like little effort, because he
hardly left his porch, but we knew he was watching. There was Mrs. Westbrook
who started a Cubs Scout and Boys Scout troop one winter when she got tired of
twelve boys tearing up her house. Then there was Mrs. Grant. She could hear an angel in heaven flap his
wings, so you better watch your language when you walked or played by her
house.
I could go from
door to door and mention an adult that helped mold me in one way, shape, form
or fashion. My parents may not have fellowshipped or ate dinner with these
people. They may not have even liked some of them, but they knew their neighbors
had their children's well-being and safety in mind. The children respected
these "extended family members," because their parents embraced the
help in rearing a child that "family" can give. I didn't grow up in a small town where
everybody knew everybody. I grew up in Chicago, where we had more people on one
block, on one side of the street, then they have in some small towns.
Unfortunately,
the prosperity of the 80's, and 90’s "freed" us from the
"need" of the extended family, but we were freed from a circumstance
that we never really gave merit. I personally didn't realize the existence of
this "extended family" and their purpose until I became an adult with
children of my own.
I try to teach
my children to respect their elder’s and mind their manners. Speak to grown folks with old school respect
and not new school dialect! I welcome information, good or bad, because
I can't be with my children all the time, and like most parents. I wouldn't
want to be with them all the time. I
recognize the need for feedback on my children, because it is when your children are away from you,
that you learn the most about the job you are doing as a parent.
Today people
seem less willing or unable to develop an "extended family." I
believe that is what the church and community once was able do and should
continue to do. Children that don't mind their manners or respect their elders,
frighten adults, young and old, men and women. Parents don't want to be told or
don't believe the exploits of their child as told to them by other
parents. “Not my little Johnny. He wouldn’t do that!”
Children can
benefit from the many experiences that the "extended family" can
bring. Elders can enrich their lives
like no history book ever could. Speedy could spin a web, drunk or sober… Mr. Sykes showed me how to look a ball into
my hands and a baseball into my mitt.
Mrs. Westbrook taught me to respect other folks stuff. And Mrs. Grant taught me to always be aware
of who my audience might be. You never know who might be listening.
For a child to
know that many "family" members care about his welfare and safety
will cause that child to in turn care and respect others. Things have changed,
the world has changed, but children and their requirements have not changed.
Parents have dismissed all the tools that have made child rearing the most
important part of our existence, short of serving and worshipping God. The children we let society dictate
how we raise today, will commit to society tomorrow. Let the "extended
family" help you preserve our heritage.
It Takes A
Whole Village to Raise A Child….
